


Baby Love

by GuineapigQueen



Category: South Park
Genre: It Gets Better, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mpreg, despcriptions of labour and birth, hiding pregnancy, trans Craig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26769967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuineapigQueen/pseuds/GuineapigQueen
Summary: Craig tries to swallow down the pain. He can't yell or cry out. Everyone will know then. He has to stay quiet or else everyone will know. He bites down on his lip hard and crouches on the floor near his bed. He has to just breathe, if he breathes through it he can make it. He knows he can.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Kudos: 37





	Baby Love

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a little one shot I wrote after hearing a story about a girl who gave birth in her bedroom and his the baby in the closet. So it contains descriptions of birth and postpartum, talk of gender issues and dysphoria as well as Craig not being a great parent straight off the bat. But it gets better and works out, if you stick with it. Hope you like it :)

Craig tries to swallow down the pain. He can't yell or cry out. Everyone will know then. He has to stay quiet or else  _ everyone will know.  _ He bites down on his lip hard and crouches on the floor near his bed. He has to just breathe, if he breathes through it he can make it. He knows he can. He buries his face in the cover hanging off the side of his bed and uses it to muffle a small groan. The room is soundproof, his parents got it done for him a few years ago for his birthday because he likes to play music and video games up loud. Now he's so thankful for it. As long as he doesn't scream the house down he'll be okay, they shouldn't hear him. He's just gonna have to stay in here. He can do that. He just has to get through the night.

He places a hand on the swell of his stomach where the muscles are tightening against his will. The swell he has so expertly hidden under huge hoodies and baggy clothes. He's been sure to hide behind counters, tables, anything he can find to obscure his stomach. He's carried things in front of his belly like backpacks, laptops and books. He's done anything and everything to make the weight gain look like just some extra chub. Maybe some stress eating, maybe he's just gotten a little chubby with puberty. But not a baby bump, he's not pregnant. 

It's what he's been telling himself this entire time. At first it was easy. He was just sick, a virus or something. Not morning sickness. He's tired because he's stressed, he's hormonal because puberty. The initial weight gain was just him eating badly. He's not pregnant. He refuses to be. Nobody has questioned him, his friends too polite to mention any weight gain and not observant enough to realise  _ why.  _ His parents were harder to fool, his mom has questioned him a few times. He's blamed everything on migraines and hinted that he might be feeling down. His mom and dad worried, but for the wrong reasons. Craig feels guilty that he did that but it was a necessary evil. He couldn't have them find out. 

He's told no one. Not even Tweek. He pushed Tweek away. Tweek was the only person who could expose him. Tweek saw him naked, they fooled around and were intimate. Craig regrets the carelessness now, he should never have given himself away like that. He's only going to end up hurt. So no, Tweek can never know. Nobody can know. He doesn't know what he's going to do when it's all over. Maybe there's somewhere he can leave it… no. He can't go there.  _ This isn't happening to me.  _

He tightens his fist around the covers of his bed as more pain comes over him. No. He doesn't want this, he doesn't want this to be happening. He needs to wake up from this horrible dream. He just wants it all to go away. 

He never wanted this. He made the mistake of sleeping with Tweek. Well, sleeping with him many times. He was hoping Tweek would want to be his boyfriend if he slept with him. That if he acted cool and aloof, that he liked being casual friends with benefits that maybe Tweek would commit and reveal he had feelings. Craig has always had feelings, and look where they've gotten him. Nowhere good. He just wanted a boyfriend, not a baby. But he's had to pretend he doesn't want Tweek now, keeping them just as friends because he knows Tweek won't want a baby. Tweek doesn't even want him, why would he want a baby? There's no way. 

Craig falls from his crouch on to his ass on the floor as another wave of pain. He doesn't like to admit it, but with his belly so big his balance is fucked, the fall leaves him on the floor, on his side, curled up around his stomach. He doesn't want to admit he's having a baby, but he probably is. His belly began to grow and he knew in the back of his mind but his reaction was to panic. Not to face it. He just had to keep hiding it because telling people means admitting it and talking about it and he just can't handle that. Now, he hasn't bothered with any hoodies or really hiding his stomach. He's alone and in pain, probably going to have a baby tonight. It's all too much for him. 

He lays there, just trying to breathe through the pain. He has no plans to move until he feels wet spreading between his legs. He knows it's not blood, and it's not pee. He knows what it is and what it means but he still doesn't go to get up. He doesn't go to tell his mom, or even call an ambulance or something instead he slowly gets himself to a sitting position and removes his pants and underwear. He knows where this is going, even though he doesn't want it to happen. He knows what he's going to have to do. 

He hobbles to a stand and finds as many shirts, pants and towels that he can and places them around the room. Sort of like a mat for him to sit on and hopefully to soak up all the grossness. He also stuffs a shirt in his mouth to try and muffle the inevitable screams he may let out. He just has to do this, he can decide what the next step is once it's done. He has scissors in the dresser drawer for once it's done and he has blankets he can wrap them in. After that he can decide what to do. 

He stays seated on his haphazard pile and hugs his legs as close to his belly as he can manage. His body knows what to do and is screaming at him, so he gives in, takes a deep breath and begins to push. The pain is more than Craig could ever have imagined, and pushing doesn't exactly make it better. It burns down there and he has to force himself not to scream. He digs his nails into his shins and bites down on the shirt.  _ Just don't scream.  _

His body tells him to do it again, so he does. He repeats the process until he begins to feel what he assumes is a head. He feels hair and has to stop himself from screaming from the shock alone. Deep down he knew he was having a baby, but really, he's not ready. He has to swallow the urge to vomit and concentrate on the job at hand. Again,  _ push, don't scream. Just push.  _

The hardest part is the head and shoulders. Craig feels like he's being split open, but he keeps going, he has to. The only way out of this is to get this thing out too. He pushes again and finally, with the aid of his own hands, he feels the shoulders come free. He keeps a hold of his baby, knowing they're still not all the way out yet. He catches his breath before attempting the final push, and instinct takes over. 

His instincts tell him to grab the baby and cuddle them close. It takes a minute, but they begin to cry and Craig panics. He doesn't know how to make them quiet, so he brings the baby up to his chest. He never, ever wanted to do this but he doesn't know how else to keep them quiet. Luckily it works, and Craig sits there dazed, nursing a baby he didn't even want to have. He cuts the baby's cord while he's nursing them and uses a bull clip to clamp it. He finds some blankets and wraps the baby up. He knows newborns need to be warm. If this baby dies because of Craig's stupidity, not only will Craig be unable to live with himself, he'd be on the hook for murder. He's a 16 year old boy who didn't want to be pregnant. Not a murderer. 

He holds the baby close to his chest and tries to keep them calm while he delivers the placenta. He doesn't know what he's doing, he just tries to listen to his body. There's a lot more blood than he expected, it's definitely soaked into the carpet. He doesn't know what to do and he's exhausted. He realises he hasn't even looked at the baby's gender. He realises that they're a girl as he wraps them up in blankets and lays them in a basket in his closet to sleep. He finds pads in the bathroom to try and soak up the blood still coming from him and covers the blood on the floor with towels. He stashes the placenta and his bloody clothes in a garbage bag in his bedroom. He then takes the tiny baby into his arms and lets them sleep in his bed with him. He collapses, exhausted. 

—

The baby wakes him a few times in the night for food. Craig provides it, what else can he do. He also has to create makeshift diapers with a towel. He doesn't know what on earth to do when his mom comes in to wake him for school… maybe he can fake sick. Run out to the shops and get diapers and formula. Some bleach for the carpet… he doesn't know. Maybe he can drop the baby off at a fire station or something? Can he do that? He doesn't know if he has it in him. He hadn't wanted this baby but he's been caring for them all night. It might be harder to give them away now.

He feels awful when he wakes. Sore all over but also strong pains in his belly. And there's still so much blood. He feels sick and his headaches, he just wants to go back to sleep. He knows his mom will come in soon, so he places the baby back in the makeshift basket in his closet and hides the door. He pretends to be asleep and waits for her. 

She knocks quietly, which Craig appreciates. He just needs the baby to stay asleep for a few more minutes. His heart is pounding in his chest as she comes to wake him.

"Craig" she says quietly "you've slept through your alarm or something… you're going to be late."

"I don't feel well" he groans, which isn't even a lie at this point. 

"Why are there towels on your floor?" She asks, suspiciously. 

"I spilt some coke" he lies.

"It smells weird in here Craig, like blood… were you bleeding?" She sounds so concerned. 

"No," Craig says, he knows he's not convinced her.

She looks around, before a small cry comes from the closet.

"What the hell Craig" she presses, heading over to open the closet door.

"Don't!" Craig yells, jumping out of bed. It hurts and he doubles over in pain. He can feel blood running down his legs as the baby cries harder. 

He's too weak to stop her. She opens up the doors to reveal the baby, crying in her tiny basket.

"Craig…" she says, her voice a mixture of anger and shock. "What have you  _ done?"  _

Craig says nothing, he doesn't know what he can say. His mom reaches into the closet and scoops the baby up in her arms. 

"Whose baby is this?" She asks him, dead serious.

Craig doesn't want to say it but he knows he has to.

"Mine" he squeaks, terrified. 

_ "Yours"  _ she says angrily "you've been pregnant since when?!"

"I didn't want anyone to know.  _ I  _ didn't want to know" he says shamefully. 

"I'm so angry with you" she says "you've endangered your life and your poor baby's!"

"I'm sorry" he says, trying desperately not to cry. It's then she notices the blood on his legs.

"Shit" she says "we're going to the hospital, this is why you need medical care Craig."

Craig can't argue with her. He feels sick and weak, he keeps bleeding and he's shaking. 

"I'm sorry" he says again, pleading with her to forgive him.

"I can't do this with you right now" she snaps "feed your kid, it's the least you can do for them at this point."

"She" Craig says, taking the screaming baby from her arms and bringing her to his chest "she's a girl."

—

Craig is admitted. He's lost a lot of blood, and needs stitches down there. It's awful, the nurses chastise him for not coming in earlier. Telling him he could die from an infection, his baby could die too. They do soften once the lecture is over and tell him that they understand that he was scared and that he should reach out for counseling support. He tries to say that he doesn't need it but his mom interjects, saying they'll take all the support they can get.

"You're so lucky your baby is okay" his mom tells him angrily once the nurses have left.

"I know," he says quietly. 

"I don't think you do know" she replies "I think you've been selfish and grossly negligent. What are you going to do with a baby Craig? We have no clothes, no diapers, no crib or anything she will need!" 

"I know" Craig says quietly "I didn't want her. I didn't want to be pregnant."

"Well you were. And she's here. What are you going to do now?" She presses, so deeply angry at him. It hurts him so much and he doesn't know how to fix it. 

"I don't know!" He cries back. 

"Well if you don't sort yourself out you'll be deemed unfit and then there won't be any choice" she tells him, voice laden with anger and disappointment. 

"I… I don't want her taken away!" Craig panics. He didn't think he'd want her but she came from him. He held her and comforted her and fed her… he doesn't think he could leave her now. 

"Well then, you need to get your shit together, now!" She snaps.

"I don't know what to do!" Craig exclaims, he really doesn't know where to start. 

"Why on earth would you lie to us Craig? Why couldn't you just tell us?" She asks, hurt and confused.

"Because, I'm a boy. I'm not supposed to get pregnant…" Craig struggles to explain. 

"Craig, I know you are a boy. But you need to realize that because you're trans, you biologically  _ can"  _ she presses. He knows this, he's not stupid. 

"I know that! I didn't want to deal with it because I'm a boy. I didn't want to take away from that… but then my belly started growing and I just… I kept lying and I got in so deep I didn't know how to tell you" he tries desperately to explain. It was very much a psychological reaction in him.

"Fuck… this is… fucked up" she sighs, clearly not knowing what to do either. 

"I know, I'm sorry" he says sadly. 

"Well, do you want her now? Because she'll go into care if you don't" she tells him. 

"I want her… I think… god… I don't want her taken away" he says, struggling to come to a final decision. 

"Well then, I'll call your father and explain what's happened but you're going to have to give him the real explanation later. I'll buy you the basics but you'll pay me back later. You're going into therapy, taking parenting classes and if you're even a tiny bit negligent I  _ will  _ call CPS on you" she tells him, laying down the law.

"Okay… I'll do all those things" he replies, desperate to please her.

"Who is the father? Have you told him?" She asks pointedly. 

"It's Tweek. He doesn't know, no one knows but you" Craig admits, How is he going to explain this to everyone?

"You have to tell him. He needs to know" she insists. 

"I know" he sighs. He has to tell Tweek, he just doesn't know how. 

"I just… I can't believe you did this. We've always raised you to be open and honest. We have always supported you and loved you… why would you go to such lengths to hide this?" She asks again, softer this time. Just hurt and bewildered. 

"I felt like if I acknowledged it then I'd have to face the fact that I'm a freak" Craig says, very upset. 

"You are  _ not  _ a freak, never say that about yourself again" she tells him sternly. 

"I got pregnant. Boys don't do that" he says sadly. 

"Boys can and  _ do.  _ Do you really think you were the first trans man to have a baby?" His mom tells him.

"No… I just. I knew people around me would judge… they might see me as a girl. I can't have that" he manages to get out. Tears and emotion half choking him.

"Well you're  _ not  _ a girl. But you do have a baby and you need to look after her" she says sternly. Craig does appreciate her insistence that he's a boy. It's helpful to see that it hasn't changed how she sees him in that way. Now he's just the liar who hid a pregnancy and the monster who hid his baby in a closet. 

"I will, I'll do whatever I need to learn" he promises her. 

"You better," she says.

"Can she come in here with me?" Craig asks, he wants his newborn but she's currently in the nursery after being given the all clear from the doctor. She was mainly kept separate for Craig's sake. 

"I'll ask the nurses next time they come to check on you," his mom replies, softer this time. Like maybe she's beginning to forgive him. 

—

The atmosphere is tense when Craig and his daughter arrive home. She still doesn't have a name but Craig knows he wants to talk to Tweek first. If Tweek doesn't totally reject them he might want a say.

Tricia isn't mad at him, just shocked. Her mind is just blown over that Craig managed to hide his pregnancy and give birth all without her knowing. 

His dad however, is mad. He's mad for the same reasons as his mom. That Craig should have told them. He's screwed everything up because they're so unprepared and that he put his life and his baby's life in danger. 

"I'm not entirely convinced you should have that baby, frankly" his dad tells him. 

"Let me show you I can do better," he pleads.

"You have a lot of showing to do" he says "because left alone to your own devices you endangered the life of that baby.  _ Your  _ baby. Your daughter" his dad tells him sternly. 

"I know" Craig says miserably "I feel so guilty. I'm going to look after her properly now."

"You're going to have to show me before I'll believe you" he says bluntly. 

"Having her… it made me want her. I'm going to get it right" Craig insists. 

"Thomas" his mom says "I know you're angry but I think this is something we're gonna have to go to therapy for before we can really discuss it properly."

"What do you mean?" Craig asks.

"Well, I was doing some research and to hide a pregnancy the way you did… there's some serious underlying issues Craig" she tells him gently. 

"Are you saying I'm crazy?" Craig replies. He thinks he's sane, well sane enough to know what happened and what's going on. What he did wasn't rational, sure but he's not totally crazy. 

"I'm saying you need help. A lot of it" she tells him. He doesn't argue.

"I'm saying you're crazy" Thomas interjects "you've thoroughly screwed yourself over." 

"I know it's not what anyone planned for my future but… I'll make this right. I have to" he promises.

"Well…" Laura says quietly "you're gonna need to learn fast. Do you know how to feed her?"

"I've just been putting her there and she's been eating," he admits. He's just been following instinct but so far it's working. 

"Good, newborns need to eat every two to three hours. She's also gonna need to sleep a lot… I'll show you how to change her diaper and give her a bath… just basic things" she tells him. 

"Thank you…"

"You need to tell Tweek" she cuts him off "now."

"Now?" He frowns. He can't do it now… he's tired as all hell.

"Yes now" she says, in a tone that says don't argue.

His parents are already mad at him and he needs their help. So he does what he's told and goes upstairs to meet his fate.

He texts Tweek because it's all he has the guys to do.

_ I had a baby last night. _

Tweek replies back quickly. 

_ Is this a prank?  _

Craig sighs, he doesn't know how the hell to explain this. He stares at his daughter, asleep in the bassinet his mother bought while he was in the hospital. 

_ No. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I was too scared to tell anyone. _

_ You have to be kidding me!!! _

_ Tweek, I understand if you're mad at me and never want to talk to me again but I had a baby girl. She's yours and you can see her whenever you want. _

He doesn't know what else to say so he attaches a picture of her sleeping. 

A few minutes pass by before his phone rings. Tweek obviously giving up on the texting.

"Hello" he says cautiously, expecting to be cussed out.

"This is an elaborate prank  _ -nghh-  _ right?!" Tweek exclaims. 

"It's not," Craig says quietly. 

"Craig! You didn't even tell me you were pregnant!" Tweek yells. Craig isn't sure if he's mad or just overwhelmed. 

"I know, I'm sorry. I was really in denial and I didn't tell anyone" Craig tells him, he has no real explanation or excuse. 

"How could I have not noticed?!" Tweek continues rambling. 

"I hid it… I carried books in front of my stomach and stuff" Craig tries to explain. 

"Dude… I'm… what do you want me to do here?!" Tweek exclaims, clearly hurt.

"I don't know, I just wanted you to know she exists," Craig says sadly. 

"Fuck… well… I'm gonna need a minute to figure this out" he says, taking a moment to catch his breath. 

"Take your time I guess" Craig replies, not knowing what else to say. 

"I just… I can't believe you'd do this. I thought you'd tell me these things" Tweek wails, clearly upset.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to tell myself" Craig says back, he really doesn't know how to convey just how deep his denial ran.

"Fuck… this is something out of a movie. I'm gonna have to think about this. Can I call you back?" Tweek asks, struggling to get the words out. 

"Sure," Craig says, his heart sinking. Tweek isn't gonna want to see her, he can feel it. 

"I gotta go and um… think about all this" Tweek says hurriedly. 

"Okay, bye" Craig replies. 

"Bye" Tweek says before hanging up. 

—

Craig doesn't hear back from Tweek straight away. He thinks he may not hear back at all. That Tweek might just cut all ties and run. Craig couldn't blame him, he put Tweek in an awful position and placed him between a rock and a hard place. Instead he focuses on bonding with his daughter. 

Sometimes he feels hopeless. Like he can't do anything right and she hates him but then she'll do something cute like smile or give him a look filled with awe and love. Maybe he didn't know he was her dad, but she's known all along. 

He's finding learning about the care not too hard. He's doing most of it on his own now. It's mostly the nights and the constant feeding that he struggles with. He's not used ro someone needing all of his time. He's not used to someone needing him period. He's completely responsible for her and she's helpless. He has to step up to the plate but he wants to do it well. He wants her to grow up and think of how her childhood was safe and loving. He wants to be a great dad, not just a good one. He hopes she'll experience so much love that her start to life won't matter. 

He definitely thinks their bond has improved. She feels like his much more, not like he's holding some stranger's baby. He's less awkward and he wants to spend time with her rather than handing her off to someone else straight away. She's currently sleeping soundly on his chest, like she never knew he even had inner turmoil over wanting her. 

His phone vibrates next to him, luckily not loud enough to wake her up. It's Tweek. 

_ Can I come over to see her and talk? _

Craig wasn't expecting this answer at all but he's not going to say no. He wants Tweek to know her and love him like Craig does. 

_ Of course, she's sleeping so be quiet.  _

_ Sure, I'm on my way now. _

Craig strokes her soft but sparse newborn hair. She's sleeping so soundly and seems so happy. So unaware of the chaos that is her world currently. Craig hopes to rectify that of course, to get his shit together and bring stability but for now chaos reigns. 

Tweek is true to his word and comes into the room near silently when he arrives. 

"Whoa" he whispers "you weren't kidding."

"Of course I wasn't kidding," Craig replies. 

"I mean, I knew you weren't but I had to really  _ -ah-  _ see her in person to believe you" Tweek says, looking at the baby all snuggled up on Craig's chest. 

"Well, she's here. I had her on the bedroom floor" Craig tells him.

"Jesus…  _ -nghh-  _ why did you do that?" Tweek frowns, clearly shocked. 

"Because she was coming and I had to push" Craig says matter of factly. 

"I mean why didn't you go to the  _ -gah-  _ hospital?" Tweek presses him.

"I couldn't admit it to myself even then, Tweek. I really only started acknowledging her when I was pushing and after she was born" Craig tries to explain. His mindset is too hard to understand, even for him.

"I don't understand how you can  _ -nnn-  _ do that when like… there's a whole baby in your belly and it's all big and stuff" Tweek says, confused. 

"It's denial, it's not rational. I just really didn't want to be pregnant" he admits. 

"But you  _ -nghh-  _ seem to want her now?" Tweek asks, almost like he isn't sure he wants to know the answer. 

"I kind of came around. It was such a terrifying experience Tweek. Having her here on the floor by myself. I didn't know what to do so I just held her and fed her and like… something in me clicked. I wanted her" Craig says, looming at her sleeping face fondly.

"I'm not gonna pretend to understand I'm… I just wish you had  _ -hnn- _ told me" Tweek says sadly.

"I felt like I couldn't tell anyone. I felt like I wasn't being a boy correctly" Craig admits, he feels so ashamed about it now 

"Dude, you're a boy. There's no  _ -nghh-  _ correct about it, you say you're a guy, then you are" Tweek asserts.

"I know it's just… having a baby isn't what guys do" Craig says quietly. 

"It is though. Just cause you're  _ -ah-  _ trans doesn't mean you're not a real man for having a kid. You're a dude who chose to have his own kid" Tweek tells him with strong conviction. 

"Well I don't think I actively chose. It was more like, my denial was so strong I just… didn't act" Craig replies. 

"Well, I did a lot of  _ -nnn- _ thinking and… I realized how scared you must've been. I was angry at first but then I thought, if he was  _ that  _ scared there must've been  _ -ah-  _ something really wrong going on inside. And I felt more sympathy for you… now I just, I want to be there for you, and her" Tweek explains. Craig listens to every word, just appreciative that Tweek was even willing to give them a chance.

"You do? Even though I lied?" He says, unsure. 

"I do. I can't abandon you, or my kid. It's important to me that I be in her  _ -nnn- _ life… does she have a name yet?" Tweek asks.

"No… I, er… I was waiting for you. Just in case you wanted input" Craig admits, again feeling guilty.

"What have you been calling her then?" Tweek asks with confusion. 

"Pet names. Baby, love, cutie, darling… whatever comes out" Craig says with a small smile. 

"Well we gotta give her a name, she  _ -hnn- _ deserves it" Tweek tells him. Craig couldn't agree more.

"I agree, I just don't know what" he tells Tweek.

"I'll get back to you on that. I'll do some  _ -ah-  _ research" Tweek promises. 

"Okay sure" Craig nods.

"Can I… can I hold her maybe?" Tweek asks shyly. Craig had been so caught up in their conversation that he hadn't even offered, he feels a little silly.

"Of course, let me just see if I can shift her" he says, moving her into his arms gently before coming over to Tweek and passing her over. She stirs, but doesn't fully wake, instead she nestles into Tweeks chest. 

"She's so cute, like an  _ -hnn-  _ angel' Tweek says, in awe. 

"She is, and she's yours," Craig says happily. 

"She's  _ -nghh- _ beautiful Craig. Thanks for including me" Tweek says, not taking his eye off his daughter for a second. He's already completely transfixed and enraptured by her. 

"Of course, she's your kid too" Craig says, so happy to see them together. 

—

Craig has told his friends about the existence of his daughter. He did it over text in a group chat and he told them that they couldn't meet her yet because he and Tweek were still straightening things out. He was mostly met by a lot of  _ WTF!  _ Kind of messages. Which he then didn't have time to respond to because his daughter was crying. So instead he replied later when she was sleeping and gave them the basic story. They were understandably baffled by his actions but were supportive nonetheless. Craig didn't realize just how much anxiety he held in regards to their opinions and approval. He felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted knowing they didn't think he was a freak or a monster. That they have his back no matter what. 

He's been going back and forth with Tweek about names too but so far they've settled on nothing. They're running out of time legally, so today Tweek is coming round so that they can make the final decision. Craig is just so glad they're doing it together. 

While he's waiting for Tweek he gets his daughter dressed. He gives her another feed and just spends some time talking to her. She sort of coos at him, he thinks she's working on it at least. He can't even imagine life without her now, it's just so crazy how quickly things can change. Craig sort of wishes he could just call her baby or love, but he knows that sounds like he didn't put any effort into her name. She'll probably get teased at school if he just names her one of his pet names. 

"I don't know what to call you baby love" he says, lifting her up to kiss her face "I'm no good at naming anything, let alone a person." 

It's such a big responsibility, although Craig has taken on the responsibility of her care and he has eased into doing all those things. Picking a name is different, once it's done he can't change his mind. He has to call her it forever, and she's so beautiful, she deserves the best name. 

Craig's train of thought is interrupted by a knock at the door. He knows it's Tweek, he's been telling Tweek to just come up when he visits. He finds it easier to get her to sleep in the calm of his bedroom. He can't believe a few days ago he was there, panicking and in pain. He delivered her himself. That's insane when you think about it. He still doesn't know how he did it. 

"Hey" Tweek says quietly as he comes in, he's always so quiet, just in case she's asleep.

"She's awake" Craig tells him "she's really alert today."

"Amazing" Tweek replies, seating himself on the edge of Craig's bed "how are you… ah… coping?"

"Okay, it's hard doing it all on my own but she's so cute, so it's okay" Craig says, giving her forehead a little kiss.

"I mean… you don't have to  _ -nnn- _ do it alone… I'm here" Tweek says awkwardly. 

"I know you are and I appreciate it. It's just the nights, you know?" Craig tells him. 

"Yeah… I… if you need more  _ -ah-  _ help, reach out yeah? I'm trying to go by your boundaries" Tweek replies.

"Oh" Craig says, not sure how to answer that. "I um, you can come whenever," he says. He won't say no to anything Tweek has to offer. 

"Sure" Tweek nods "so we need to give this munchkin a  _ -nghh- _ name" he tells Craig, reaching out his arms for a hold.

Craig passes her over, he gets her all the time. Tweek doesn't, so he's happy to let him utilise his time with her. 

Tweek holds her so gently and carefully, he stares into her eyes intently. Craig feels bad that he doesn't get to bond with her like he does. 

"Next feed you should do it" Craig says "I have bottles and stuff. I don't want to exclusively nurse. I just didn't have any other way to feed her when she was first born." 

"Sure, I can do that" Tweek says "I've been thinking, you said you like to call her  _ -nnn- _ pet names… I was looking up names that mean love… and I found one I like, if you want to  _ -ah-  _ hear it?"

"I'm game" Craig says "I haven't been able to think of anything."

"So Freya… she's the  _ -nghh-  _ norse goddess of love and like… you clearly love her so much and I do too and… it's kind of like divine intervention. I didn't know she existed and now I'm a  _ -gah-  _ dad and… it's a miracle but I'm okay with it" he explains, staring at her the entire time, with so much love and devotion. 

"That's… really beautiful Tweek. I love it" Craig replies "I couldn't think of anything but cheesy pet names."

"I have a feeling you'll be calling her those all her life… and um, if you want a middle name? Milena? I think they go together and it means  _ -ah-  _ love and warmth and I just think… I know it's cheesy but she warmed our hearts" Tweek says shyly. 

"I think it's lovely how much you've thought about this" Craig says "I love it. And it's better than Baby Love, which is all I could come up with."

"I'm so glad you like it" Tweek says, "I've been secretly thinking of her as  _ -nnn-  _ Freya these last few days." 

"It suits her," Craig says happily "you like being a Freya?" He asks her as she coos in Tweeks arms.

"I think so" Tweek replies with a smile. 

—

Craig has finally decided to let his friends meet Freya. He just needed some time to get used to being a parent. He needs to get used to the routine and to recover after giving birth. He still hurts a bit but it's nothing compared to the day after he had her. He's definitely on the mend and he thinks he's figuring out how to look after her. 

He's having his best friends Clyde, Token and Jimmy over as well as Tweek. He hopes it won't be too overwhelming but he'd rather do it in one visit than multiple ones. He doesn't think he has the energy for that. 

So far he's been lucky with Freya. She gets up every few hours to eat but she's a relatively happy baby. Craig knows that may not last forever but at least she's making things easier for him in this intense transition period. 

His mom is making him see some therapist, and Craig supposes he probably needs it. He thinks everything has maybe not quite hit him yet and he's probably going to need help to really process this. Now, it's easy to push down feelings with the busyness that is caring for a newborn. He can lose himself in monotonous tasks and just focus on the stuff that makes him feel happy. He is going to have to deal with it at some point, but today isn't that day. 

Tweek arrives first, Craig thinks he's come early so that he can have a bit more time with Freya. Craig thinks that's cute, so he doesn't complain and lets Tweek in. Almost immediately he gives Freya to Tweek to hold for a while. 

"I'm gonna get some snacks for the guys and a bottle for her," Craig tells him, happy to have free hands. "You can feed her if you want."

"Sure" Tweek says, looking at Freya's face "I can do whatever you  _ -nnn-  _ need." 

"Thank Tweek, you deserve to have time with her. If that's what you want?" Craig asks, he isn't sure how hands on Tweek wants to be. Craig goes to the kitchen to grab some chips, he brings them back out to the living room where Tweek sits with Freya. 

"Yeah, it is. Maybe I can  _ -ah-  _ stay over one night?" Tweek asks cautiously. 

"Yeah, you can do that," Craig replies with a smile. 

"Cool" he says, Freya fusses a little in his arms "is she hungry?"

"I think so" Craig replies "I'll be right back with her bottle." 

It strikes him that Tweek wouldn't know. Tweek only sees her for a few hours at a time. If that even. He's not a full time parent, Craig realises he needs to give her to him more. He needs to let Tweek be a dad. 

He heats up the bottle in the microwave, listening to the faint sounds of Tweek talking to Freya. Craig doesn't know what he was so afraid of for the previous nine months. This isn't anything to be afraid of, that's for sure. 

Once the bottle is done he quickly gets it back to Tweek to give to Freya. As she begins eating a loud knock sounds at the door. Craig takes a deep breath. He knows they'll support him but he still feels scared to face his friends. It's hard not to judge the things he's done over the last week.

"Hey man!" Token says happily when Craig opens the door.

" _ Finally"  _ Clyde says "I need to see this baby!" 

Craig laughs and steps aside to let them in.

"How are you d-d-doing?" Jimmy asks him quietly. 

"Uh, okay…" Craig replies "I'm learning how to be a dad."

"I mean how a-are  _ you  _ though?" Jimmy asks again "you just had a b-b-baby you didn't tell anyone about." 

"Um, I'm probably not okay" Craig says quietly "but I'm going to work on it."

"Coping okay with the b-b-baby?" He asks.

"That's the part that's getting me through. I love her more than I thought I would" Craig admits as they head into the living room.

"Craig! She is so cute!" Clyde gushes. 

"She has my  _ -gah- _ genetics too," Tweek reminds him. 

"Sorry" Clyde replies "you both make pretty babies." 

"Craig" Token interjects "I have to ask… why? Why didn't you tell us? Ask for help?" 

Craig sighs, not really wanting to relive these emotions. 

"It's a me thing, not you guys. I was feeling dysphoric and I didn't want to come to terms with it so I just… tried to ignore it" he tries to explain. 

"For nine months?" Token questions. 

"I know it's not right or in any way normal I just… I couldn't face it. I couldn't until I saw her" he says.

"I wouldn't know what to do if it was me" Clyde interjects. "If I was trans and I got pregnant… I'd probably freak the fuck out… I kinda get it" he says, giving Craig a sympathetic smile.

"Thanks Clyde… it's not exactly rational. I just freaked out and couldn't cope" Craig says.

"You're strong" Tweek says encouragingly "you delivered your own  _ -nghh- _ baby, on your own with no pain relief."

"That's badass" Clyde says "can I hold the baby?"

Tweek and Craig both share a look before both nodding. 

"Sure," Tweek says, slowly shifting Freya to Clyde's arms and showing her how to support her head.

"What's her name Craig?" Token asks. Craig realises they haven't shared it yet. 

"Freya" Craig says "Tweek chose it."

"That's c-c-cute Tweek" Jimmy says "why d-d-did you pick it?" 

"It's the name of the  _ -ah- _ nordic goddess of love" Tweek replies "I need her to know she's loved."

"I hope she knows," Craig says guiltily. 

"She does" Token says kindly "I'm sure of that." 

"Look at her tiny nose" Clyde says "I want one!"

"Absolutely not" Token jokes.

"No more teen parents" Craig replies, earning a laugh from Tweek. 

"You're d-d-doing good guys" Jimmy says to both he and Tweek. 

"Thanks so much for supporting me" Craig says, emotion brimming in his voice "you could have easily walked away. What I did was bad and disgusting… I don't deserve such wonderful friends."

"No dude" Clyde replies "you got scared and made some bad choices, you're making up for it now. There's no reason to abandon you."

"You're our friend" Token agrees "we want to help you, not hurt you."

"You've done so much good for her since she was born" Tweek tells him sincerely "you're not a bad person, you're a  _ -hnn-  _ wonderful person." 

"We'll always be h-h-here for you" Jimmy assures him.

"Thanks guys" Craig says, emotion overwhelming him as Token pulls him into a hug "no more secrets" Craig promises. 

—

Craig lays awake, staring at the ceiling. Tweek is next to him, also laying awake in silence. They're in the same bed, just as friends. It's weird but Craig doesn't want to make Tweek sleep on the floor. Tweek is staying over to help him with Freya. Despite Freya waking up every few hours wanting food, sleep still eludes them. 

Craig doesn't know what to do. He thinks Tweek has something to say to him but Craig doesn't know what or how to get him to say it. He knows that they have unfinished business aside from parenting Freya. They were casual, Craig wanted more but was always too afraid to say. Then Craig got pregnant and actively pushed Tweek away, despite being in love with him. Things aren't the same now but Craig doesn't know how to make it right.

"You're still mad at me" he whispers to Tweek in the dark. 

"I'm not  _ -nnn-  _ mad at you" Tweek replies. 

"Then why are things so awkward?" Craig asks.

"I guess I'm just… it's so  _ -gah-  _ stupid. I don't think I wanna say it" Tweek says nervously. 

"What? I need you to tell me so I can fix this" Craig replies, he doesn't know what the issue is but he needs to find some way to mend the bridge.

"It's just… it hurts. Knowing that you don't  _ -nghh-  _ want me anymore… it's hard just being co-parents and nothing else" Tweek says, he sounds pained. Craig feels confused, he's never not wanted Tweek. Tweek was the one who kept them casual, Craig was the dumbass who caught feelings.

"I've always wanted you" he says quietly "I wanted you to be my boyfriend so bad. I thought you didn't want me like that… just as a sex toy. "

"Craig…" Tweek says, sounding shocked "Craig I would never… I just wanted to do what you wanted. I thought you wanted to keep it  _ -ah-  _ casual" Tweek sighs. 

"I probably hurt your feelings so much when I said I just wanted to be friends, and really confused you" Craig says sadly "but I only said it because I was pregnant and didn't want you to find out."

"I was really hurt, yeah" Tweek says "I thought we were getting ready to get together and then, just ghosted."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't think about anyone but myself" he says "my mom is making me go to therapy and I do think I need it."

"I've come to realise there was some really  _ -ah-  _ deep shit going on with you" Tweek says "I think you do need to sort out some issues but that doesn't mean I don't  _ -nnn- _ love you." 

"Love me?" Craig stutters, confused. 

"Yeah man, it's killing me just pretending to be platonic" Tweek says "but I thought you didn't want me and I was trying to be  _ -ah-  _ respectful, for Freya."

"I was kind of doing the same thing" Craig replies "I thought you'd be disgusted with me and I was just happy you wanted to be in her life and see her." 

"Never Craig" Tweek says, very seriously "I love you, and I understand that you're not perfect. You should have  _ -nghh- _ told me, but she's here now and there's no use being mad about it."

"Do you want to be… more than just co-parents?" Craig asks, scared of the reaction Tweek may give. 

"Yes, that's all I've wanted, even before I knew we were going to be parents" Tweek says "I should have just told you."

"I gave off mixed signals" Craig tells him "I don't blame you." 

"Still, obviously I didn't plan on having a  _ -gah-  _ kid and I wanted to be with you before but now that it's all happened… I'm glad we can do this as a couple" Tweek tells him, rolling over to face Craig. Craig does the same. 

Tweek wriggles until they're closer together and wraps an arm around him.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks.

"Yes," Craig replies, feeling like the wind has been knocked out of him.

Tweek brings his lips to meet Craig's and it's just… paradise. Craig hasn't felt Tweeks touch for months. He's missed the closeness and intimacy. He's about to melt, to fully get lost in the moment when… 

A baby's cry fills the air.

"Back to reality" Tweek says quietly as Craig gets up to get her.

This is parenthood, this is the lot they've chosen. 

—

Craig wakes early, he has to because Freya is crying for a feed. Tweek wakes too from beside him, he's been staying over most nights. He hasn't moved in or anything but he stays over almost every night in order to help with Freya and spend more time as a family. It's been great to have another pair of hands throughout the tough nights. 

Craig feeds Freya himself, as she will be bottle fed throughout the day while they're at school. So he lets her nurse while she can. Tweek yawns and gets up to get dressed. Craig will do the same once she's done eating and he'll let Tweek do the burping. 

Going back to school has been tough. Everyone has been talking and gossiping about him. Saying nasty things and being shocked that he managed to hide such a huge thing. Craig doesn't like it but he has his friends and Tweek to back him up and support him. They've been invaluable 

He definitely screwed himself over by denying his pregnancy and giving birth alone but he's been so lucky to have supportive family and friends to get him out of this hole. And Freya. He's lucky that she's so amazing. She makes so much of the bullshit worth it.

Craig hands Freya over to Tweek to burp while he himself gets changed. He's still wearing sweats and baggy shirts. He feels like he's earnt the right to dress down and comfortably. He's just had a baby and is running on little sleep. He's not dressing up for something as mundane as school.

Craig picks out an outfit for Freya to wear to daycare while he's choosing his own. Tweek gets her dressed while Craig watches. He tickles her belly and makes her laugh as he puts on her onesie. Craig can't help but fall in love more and more every morning when he sees this. He has a family, miraculously, somehow.

Craig and Tweek then go to have their own breakfast and place Freya on a play mat. She amuses herself just long enough for them to eat something and pack their bags for school. 

Craig sighs, his heart getting a little heavy as they prepare to leave. He wishes he could stay here all day with her and Tweek. Making memories, laughing, playing and watching her grow. But they can't. They have to go to school, because they need to get their education so that they can provide for her future. Craig knows everything he is doing is for her but that doesn't make it any easier. Every morning his heart aches a little when they part.

He's not very good at being a normal teenager at school. He thinks about her all day, misses her. He counts down the minutes until the final bell so that he can race home to her. 

Tweek picks up Freya from her play mat and she giggles in his arms. It's the most beautiful sight to Craig.

"I love you both, so much" he says, truly thankful that Tweek has stood by him despite all his terrible decisions. That Tweek wants to be a family together and build.

"I love you too" Tweek says sincerely "and I know little bug does too." 

"I'm just so lucky to have you," Craig says.

"We have a beautiful family and things are getting _ -nghh- _ better every day. I feel lucky" Tweek replies, bouncing Freya.

"I know, it's just… this could have gone so wrong" Craig points out.

"It could have" Tweek admits, "but it didn't. I have this feeling we're gonna be  _ -ah-  _ okay."

"Me too" Craig says, echoing the smiles of both his boyfriend and daughter. He's ready to face the day, whatever it may bring. 

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is blesspastacraig if you wanna be friends :)


End file.
